Eulogy: Ode to My Coach

Dave McIlhenny 1934-2001

The only person in the room happier than me about winning the World Championship was my coach, Dave McIlhenny. He simply beamed with pride that day. And we were looking forward to my coaching him the next year. An ironic turn of circumstances, to be sure.

Two months later, Dave passed away. It was not expected. I was filled with shock and overwhelming sadness. When his family asked me to give the eulogy, I was speechless. But I could not say no.

Dave McIlhenny: My Friend, My Coach - an Inspiration

Sandy asked me to speak on behalf of the family, as I'm a friend of Dave's.

As a speaker, Dave would have loved the "room setup." Him right up in front of the audience where he was happiest.

What do you say about someone who made you better than you were before you met?
What do you say about someone who lit up a room with his enthusiasm?
What do you say about someone who could change your mood with his smile?
What do you say about someone whose laugh could fill you with joy?

Dave had recently coached me to win the World Champion of Public Speaking. Without Dave there is no way I would have won. I'll always remember the sheer joy in his eyes when Dave gave me a tremendous hug and said, "We did it!" He then said he was going to fade into the background now. That it was my moment. That's the person he was - never wanting credit for giving his whole heart.

Whenever he would be inspired by an idea, he would become a little kid who couldn't wait to tell everyone. His intentions were always pure and giving. He would always LOVE to tell his stories with a glowing enthusiasm that danced in his eyes. You couldn't help but listen with rapt attention. I think he enjoyed hearing himself even more than we did .... (He would have loved that pause ...) Most speakers count pauses in seconds; Dave always counted pauses in heartbeats.

We affectionately referred to him as the "Silver Fox." He was a coach to all of us, both on and off the platform. He was District Governor when I joined Toastmasters. His theme was, "Speak up and Change the World." Dave inspired me. I don't know Toastmasters without him. I'm glad for that.

What changes would you make in your life; what changes have you been meaning to make? Yesterday I left my day job of eleven years to pursue a full-time speaking career. Make a change in his honor.

Chris Lowe described him best: He would see you from across the room. His face would light up with a huge smile, then he would stride across the room and reach out his hand and offer a firm handshake and a big "hello." It was always the same. You could count on it. Nobody did it quite like Dave did it ... Chris was right.

Dave had a great depth that many never saw. Dave was a "lamplighter." You couldn't tell where he was going; but you could always tell where he had been.

Dave made you feel like you were the most important person in the room. He gave us each his gifts of wisdom, lessons learned, and knowledge gleaned. It’s now our privilege to take them to heart and use them to continue his legacy of teaching and inspiring each other. It is time for us all to step up, so that others can lean on us, as we leaned on Dave.

As we search for a reason why he left us so prematurely, I thought that with all that is happening in the world today, God must have some angels that need coaching. God needed help, so he called on the best.

Well, God, he's all yours now. Thanks for sharing him with us as long as you did. Please tell him we miss him, we love him, and we will keep his spirit alive.

- Celebration of his life... by Darren LaCroix

Then I read the poem:

"THE DASH" - Alton Maiden

I've seen death stare at me with my own eyes in a way many cannot know.

I've seen death take others but still left me below.

I've heard many scream of mother's cries but death refuses to hear.

In my life I've seen faces fill with many tears.

After death has come and gone a tombstone sits for many to see.

But it is no more than a symbol of a person's memory.

I've seen my share of tombstones but never took the time to truly read.

The meaning behind what is there for others to see.

Under the person's name it read the date of birth, dash, and the date the person passed.

But the more I think about the tombstone, the important thing is the dash.

Yes, I see the name of the person but that I might forget.

I also read the date of birth and death but even that might not stick.

But thinking about the individual I can't help but to remember the dash,

because it represents a person's life and that will always last.

So when you begin to charter your life make sure you're on a positive path.

Because people may forget your birth and death but they will never

forget your dash.

((((This is a poem that Lou Holtz reads at many of his speaking engagements. It was written by Alton Maiden who played football at Notre Dame in the mid 1990's. I called Lou's office to get permission to read at the service.))))